The Gratitude List

I'll probably keep updating this, as time goes on:

1. The cancer is treatable. The chemo works by attacking the fastest dividing cells in my body first (which is why people lose their hair). My cancer is especially treatable compared to other cancers because the tumor was growing so quickly. My brother told me, "the faster it grows, the faster it will shrink". And he was right. The lump had appeared seemingly overnight, and the lump had also disappeared seemingly overnight -- already after Day 3 of my first chemo treatment. There are also so-called "indolent" forms of non-Hodgkin's, and other cancers are typically slower-dividing as well, but luckily my cancer cells are workaholic.

2. The cancer was caught before I had any late-stage symptoms. I was able to schedule medical appointments quickly and the diagnosis was clear -- no ambiguous symptoms that would force me to spend months getting tests.

3. I have gotten so many great emails from friends and family around the world, offering their love and support. I'm so glad I told people about this, because I really feel that I've learned a lot about my friends, especially, in the process. I didn't know that some of my friends have cancer survivors in their families; my friend's mother was diagnosed last year and I had no idea (apparently, she was diagnosed in June and by February was already rollin' the dice in Vegas with her son).

4. My mother and brothers immediately made plans to visit. My mother has been here since April 8 and has been taking good care of me with lots of amazing healthy meals. If it weren't for her, I'm sure I would have lost more than just 2 kilos post-chemo. Not only have I been eating well, but I've also learned a lot about how to prepare meals so I can keep eating great even after my treatment is over. She’ll be here with me until April 22, when my brother Eric takes over. He’s staying until May 1. My other brother Ed is coming in mid-May. None of these family members had plans to visit this year otherwise.

5. My brother's an oncologist, so I’ve gotten a lot of reassurance and helpful advice from him.

6. My doctor here seems kind and competent and very experienced.

7. A good friend back from my days in public health happens to be a bonafide expert in cancer-related nutrition and has given me loads of information on what I can, should, or shouldn’t eat.

8. Amsterdam is a good place to become sick. Unlimited sick days, and no penalty for taking them. My coworkers and even upper management came by to tell me that I shouldn’t think like an American in this case – that I should make my health my number one priority and no one would question my commitment to work if I were to just take the entire 6 months off (I plan to do some work, actually, but on a limited basis). Besides that, I don’t have to get a prescription for marijuana to alleviate nausea here. I can just walk a few blocks to the neighborhood coffeeshop.

9. The weather here has turned beautiful and warm. It stays light until almost 8am and city has really come alive. This is the best time of year to be in Amsterdam, and it’s almost impossible to stay in a bad mood, let alone become depressed.

10. The timing of this thing was unbelievable. If I were to get it at any time in my life, this would be the perfect time. Young enough to recover quickly from the treatment, old enough to have coping skills and money. Long enough in Amsterdam to have developed a support network and understand some Dutch (useful for dealing with the medical system). Just after the end of snowboarding season and before I had scheduled any other trips that would have required cancellation of plane tickets. And just after finishing several major work projects with urgent deadlines. And during the spring, so that my 6 months of treatment fall right in the space between 2 snowboarding seasons and during the time when I don't mind so much being stuck in Amsterdam.

11. I have health insurance. So many people in the U.S. do not.

12. I won't be confined to bed for most of treatment. I can still enjoy life. I can still eat chocolate and ice cream! My mind still works just fine and all my limbs still work.

13. I get to catch up on books & DVDs.

14. I've learned a lot about nutrition that will help me even after the treatment is over.

15. I live walking distance from the supermarket, nightmarket, and a huge open-air market, as well as the chocolate/ice cream shop.

16. The view outside my window is lovely, of a city park and old Amsterdam houses and a little bit of the canal too. And when I open the floor-to-ceiling doors for fresh air, it's even nicer.

17. My apartment is also a nice place to spend the whole day, and I have a nice entertainment system (including Wii) for whiling away the hours.

18. It wouldn't hurt me to lose a few pounds anyway. :-)

19. The pain from the cancer is already nearly gone (no need for painkillers since Day 3 post chemo), and I can sleep through most of the night without any problems.

20. I still get to enjoy exploring new places, but just not so far away. The other day, I went to Amstelhaven and the Amstel Hotel for the first time.

21. Having cancer has made me more empathetic. I can finally really better understand what it means to have a serious illness and certain symptoms. For example, before I had no real grasp of what it is to have serious round-the-clock constipation or nausea. Now, even though I only experienced it for a short time, I realize how horrible it would be to suffer from it constantly, as some do.

22. No more writer's block. I was hardly ever motivated to post in my other blog: "A Snowboarder in Amsterdam", but now, I feel as though my thoughts are running in all-new directions, and I can only clear my brain by writing.