My Brother, the Oncologist

Am I lucky or unlucky?

Unlucky to have spun the wheel of life and landed on Cancer. Lucky that my lot goes hand in hand with my younger brother's chosen profession. Not only is he a doctor, but he's a specialist in oncology.

He was the first person besides my manager and direct reports I told about my diagnosis. And he was instantly 100% there for me.

I don't know why I was surprised. I suppose I was used to seeing my brother the way I remembered him when we were kids. Building forts out of the sofa cushions, watching Kung Fu Theater on Saturday afternoons, playing ping pong in the basement, shoveling the driveway. We are 6 years apart in age, so I never went to high school with him. I hardly saw him in the college and graduate school years, when I was living in Boston and Ann Arbor. In fact, even when I moved to the Bay Area, and he was living in San Francisco, our paths didn't cross too often, except during holidays when my parents came out to visit. I saw my other brother Eric much more frequently in the same period. Not only were Eric and I closer in age, but since I introduced his best friend to his now-wife, I was often invited to their group's social functions.

After almost a year of little communication, I emailed him about my diagnosis. I saw his response the next morning. Among other things, he wrote: "Well this is pretty shocking for me even though I deal with lymphoma on a daily basis...Personally, I would think it would be better for you to receive treatment closer to family. Whether that would involve some of us going over there or you coming here I'm sure we could all work out...Call me at ANY time". And he signed the letter with "Love". I was struck by that, for some reason, because I have always thought of Ed as the reserved one of us. I was also suddenly hit by the fact that Ed is an adult now (when did this happen?!), and is responsible for the care of a lot of other patients, like me. It's a bigger responsibility than I could ever imagine having in my life, and I am very proud of him.